Ricky Gervais has the right idea.

Oh, if it were only like this. Saw this here.


The Best Advice Is: Be in charge. Then you can do anything. If you're not in charge, always play characters who have your haircut. That saves an hour in the morning. No wigs, no beards. Forget it. I had to wear a beard for one day. Ridiculous. Forty minutes. No. My haircut: ten minutes. And don't choose ridiculous costumes. Choose normal clothes. Ordinary trousers, ordinary shoes that you can put on yourself. Costume: five minutes. Hair and makeup: ten minutes. That's it. No costumes. No wigs. Own haircut.

Two: Do your own accent. You don't want to have vocal coaching. Don't do anything that needs skill. If there's a scene and it says " . . . rides a horse," say, "You do not need me to ride that horse." Because you'll have to learn how to ride a horse. That could take, like, two weeks. Too busy. Too much trouble.

Three: Always say that your character should be sitting down. Don't ever be standing at the beginning of a scene. So if it starts off, "There's a knock at the door, you get up and answer the door," you'll be up and down for eight hours. Convince them that you should sit there and say, "Come in." When we were filming Ghost Town, I tried to convince the director, David Koepp, that we should do a remake of Ironside together. It's the old TV drama with Raymond Burr as a detective in a wheelchair. Also, I've always wanted to play someone in a coma. Just comes out of it at the end. I was really jealous of Colin Farrell when I found out that Phone Booth was shot in just 16 days. Some of it, he was sitting on the floor of the telephone box. One location, sitting down.

Four: If there are long and complicated monologues, cut them. Say, "I don't think I'd say that." No one will think you're being lazy; it comes across as integrity.

So if any directors are reading this, I will work every day. I will give it my all. I will give it everything. I will give you 100 percent between the hours of, say, eight and six. And that's from pickup to wrap. If it's, like, two miles away, you can't go, "You'll be picked up at six, it'll be over at eight." You're having a laugh. My pickup is no earlier than seven-thirty. I'm not a maniac. I have to be wrapped by six. Five-day weeks. I only shoot in London and New York. No night shoots. No wigs. No nudity--that's more for the general public's sake as opposed to mine. And let's not go on and on with it. Let's try to keep it under five, six weeks. So, Spielberg--your move.

--As told to David Walters

Evaluating your future

So, I neglected my blog this week...and I'm sorry.

First, a shameless plug. If you are out there reading this blog, please, please, please, tell your a friend. If you have a blog, link me. I'm a big whore for promotion.

A couple announcements...

I started a gig at an UNNAMED PRODUCTION COMPANY (UPC) on Thursday in their TV department. I was only there two days last week, but I'm sure It'll be good fodder for future posts.

Also, tomorrow is my birthday.

Okay, now onto the post. It's not going to be heavy on production, I'll warn you that now.

Whenever I get around to my birthday, it always makes me take a moment and evaluate my life goals. If I'm going to rule the world by the time I'm 30, I gotta get off my butt and start moving.


#1:

I always start by making a list of where I expected to be at this point in my life. I have a very detailed long term and short term plan for success, which I recommend for anyone who wants to be constantly disappointed in themselves.

At 26 I wanted to have two features in distribution and have funding in place for a a 1 million dollar independent feature. The year started out promising, but in the end it hasn't panned out. In fact, I have 0 films in distribution, and we are still working on funding for our next project. Scratch that off my list of conquests.


#2:

After depressing myself with what I didn't accomplish, I make a list of things I did accomplish.

I got married.
I moved to LA.
I wrote several pilots which got some attention.
I was contracted to write a feature and a treatment.
I have one feature in post-production, and my company is acquiring a second film.
I started a pitch and development company with two partners.
I directed two television shows.

By all accounts, that's not a bad year. It may not be the year I wanted, but for being on disability for five months it's not too bad.

#3:

Finally, it's time to make goals for the coming year.

So, why am I telling you this? Is it because I like to hear myself talk, or see myself write?

No, as usual it's to give you an exercise you can use in your life. All successful people have goals. They have a long term goal...Rule the World. But they also have short term goals...pay rent, get a shite job at a good company, etc. I read an article about Roger Goodell, commissioner of the NFL. Apparently, Roger started as an unpaid intern in the public relations department and he worked himself up to commissioner of one of the biggest and most profitable companies in the world. His long term goal...Commissioner of the NFL. I'm sure many people laughed at him when he was getting the higher ups coffee, but it was all part of his goal.

In the world of entertainment, there are many more disappointments than successes. It's very easy to not be able to see the forest for the trees, and to look for greener pastures. Keeping yourself focuses on your goals allows ME to keep going while striving for my long term goals.

I know this wasn't a great post, but give me a break...it's my birthday.